if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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