Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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