Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
