i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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