NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
