I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
