He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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