That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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