i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
