Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
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