I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
