I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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