the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
