See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
