..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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