Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
