I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
