Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
