I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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