We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
