his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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