I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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