i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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