If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
