Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
