ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
