just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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