dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
