Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Send help, water and tortillas.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
