fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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