My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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