Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
