It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
