shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
