am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I pour the whiskey from now on
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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