New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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