Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
