I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
