I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
