apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
