So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
