I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
