Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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