okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
