We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
