Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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