This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
