Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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