I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
