JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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