Your face is a jimmy john
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
