There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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